If you had asked, I would have bet our house that I would not be able to wean our sensitive, stubborn, strong-willed three year old off the breast any time before his 7th birthday. He absolutely loved nursing morning, noon and night. Sometimes he would go longer stretches between feeds, but whenever he was sick, teething, tired or bored, he seemed to want to nurse every 30 minutes (or every 15 minutes if I waswearing a low cut top!). How was I ever going to wean him off the breast?
How would I comfort him when he got hurt?
How would I take care of him when he fell ill?
How on earth would I ever get him to sleep at night (and back to sleep overnight)!?
If these concerns sounds familiar, then I am so glad you are here. Weaning does not have to be traumatic for you or your little one. In fact, I would go as far as saying that when it is done gradually and with love, it can bring you closer together. How? Because responsive weaning forces you to become more attuned to your child's wants and needs. This doesn't have to be heartbreaking, for either of you.
The Weaning with Love Approach is completely different to more traditional methods of weaning. It is all about creating greater connection, not separation. It is about evolving as a mother - physically, mentally and emotionally and it is about nurturing a bond that will last a lifetime. Inspired by my own journey and the hundreds of mothers I have worked with around the world, here are six do’s and don'ts for stopping breastfeeding:
Do Ensure that you are Ready
If you do not and you are considering weaning for anyone other than yourself or your child, then this process will be much more difficult than it needs to be. The added layer of guilt and uncertainty that you are dealing with will simply create additional hurdles for you to overcome. If you are unsure about whether you are ready to stop breastfeeding or not, read this article to help you decide.
Don’t Expect A Weekend Away to Work
It does work in some cases, for some people, but I see this approach to weaning as problematic for several reasons. Firstly, abrupt weaning is not ideal for your body, your breasts or your hormones. You need time for your milk supply to adapt and reduce at a pace that is healthy to avoid developing engorgement, clogged ducts or mastitis.
Secondly, stopping breastfeeding in this way could be very confusing for your child. Imagine going away for a girls’ trip and your partner suddenly not kissing you any more upon your return? You would be perplexed and it would likely cause a rift in your relationship. I am not suggesting that weaning in this way would scar your child for life, but if responsive parenting matters to you, then it is probably not the route that you want to take.
Finally, it doesn't always work. In fact, in most cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder! Any mothers who are breastfeeding having returned to work will know that nursing is often more enthusiastic than ever after any period of time spent apart.
Do Expect Weaning to be a Process
For various reasons, more traditional approaches to many aspects of parenting seem to be focused on efficiency and speed. Get potty trained in three days? Sleep train in a week? No thank you. Whilst these methods undoubtedly work for many families, if like me, you follow aspire to a more gentle parenting philosophy, you will see that it is important to recognize the humanity in our children as much as we do in ourselves.
As such, expecting your baby, toddler or child to move away from what may have been their default source of comfort and connection with you, their mother, since they were born, overnight is unrealistic. How long the process will take really is as unique as each of us. Some mothers I work with contact me days after our consultation to say that they have successfully managed to drop that last feed before bedtime without tears. Others reach out months later to let me know that they have just had their last precious feed.
Don't Lead with Distraction
This seems to be another popular piece of weaning advice, but it is one that I see as unnecessarily cold and avoidant. To me it speaks volumes about how as a society, we shy away from difficult emotions - even with our own children. Whilst it may be helpful to occasionally distract your little one from wanting to nurse, focusing only on distraction will likely only leave your child wondering what is going on, what has changed and why they are suddenly not being nursed as usual?
Do Communicate, Constantly
Talk, talk and talk some more about the fact that you will be nursing less and stopping completely eventually with your child. Even if they are as young as 9 months old, your nursling has a greater understanding of language than you may realize. Babies as young as 6 months old can recognize emotions from facial expressions, so remember that everything about you is communicating with your little one in some way.
As with any relationship, the way that we communicate with the people that we love, matters. This is no different with our children, especially when we are guiding them through one of the most significant transitions of their lives.
Don't Seek Perfection
This really could apply to many aspects of parenting (and life for that matter!) and this is certainly advice which I need to be reminded of daily. Being afraid that you will not do the perfect job at weaning your little one off the breast gently is unhelpful and counterproductive. Weaning is a learning curve and it may take time, many mistakes and the grace to learn from those mistakes before it feels like you’re making progress.
If you are at the beginning of your weaning journey, I want to assure you that there is not a person on this planet who is better qualified to wean your little one off the breast than you. If you would like more specific help and personalized guidance then I would love to help you. Get a step-by-step breakdown of how to wean your little one off the breast gently and responsively with my newly improved 40 page guide, ‘Weaning with Love,’ here. Alternatively, book a 1-2-1 consultation with me here and let’s make a plan for your family, together.
☀️ Get 25% of the Weaning with Love guide & 75% off a 1-2-1 consultation now in my Summer Sale - ending soon! ☀️
With love,
Danielle
❤️
Comments