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How Breastfeeding Taught Me to Slow Down & Redefine Success

Writer's picture: Danielle FaceyDanielle Facey

I’ve always been the quintessential “good girl.” Growing up, I was the head girl at school, a straight-A student, and someone who followed the rules to the letter. I built my life around achievements—becoming a dedicated teacher in prestigious schools, making the perfect partner, and checking off every box on the list of societal expectations. On the surface, I had it all together. Everything seemed right… until it didn’t.


I had a plan. I worked tirelessly, married young, and invested all of myself into creating the life I thought I was supposed to lead. But the universe had other plans. A profound loss—losing a baby—shattered me. It turned my world upside down in ways I could never have prepared for. After that, I found myself in a divorce, living thousands of miles away from my family, isolated, and struggling to rebuild.


Yet it was in this brokenness, this painful turning point, that I found new love in an old friendship. And it was through this love that I finally embraced motherhood—allowing myself to lean into it fully and deeply when I became a mother to my rainbow baby boy. This was when everything shifted.


Motherhood, and especially breastfeeding, became the anchor I never knew I needed. They say the clingiest babies are born to the mothers who need to slow down, and I’ve never encountered a truer statement. Initially, I resisted this truth. I tried so hard to impose a perfect, textbook routine on my baby, convinced that structure and productivity would make everything fall into place. But in reality, the lesson was far different. It was my son, with his need to nurse and cling, who taught me how to stop, how to be present, and how to truly slow down.


Breastfeeding him, in its most intimate form, became the catalyst for a total re-evaluation of my life. The relentless push to do more, be more, achieve more—it all faded into the background. The act of nursing, of sitting still and offering my baby not just nourishment, but my undivided attention, allowed me to step away from a world that valued constant productivity over rest.


I used to think that if I didn’t accomplish something monumental every day, I was failing. But breastfeeding showed me otherwise. It showed me that if all I did in a day was nurse my baby, that was enough. More than enough. I didn’t need to prove my worth by checking off every item on a never-ending to-do list. I had already given my child the greatest gift—my time, my presence, my love.


In those quiet moments of nursing, I found freedom. Freedom from the expectations of the world around me, and freedom from my own internal pressure to do it all. I started to understand that the small moments—the simple act of holding my son close, nurturing him, and allowing him to take what he needed—were not just moments of connection with him, but also with myself.


The Hidden Work of Breastfeeding: More Than Meets the Eye


But there’s something that often gets overlooked in the breastfeeding journey: the immense physical and mental labor it demands from a mother’s body. When we think of productivity, we tend to focus on outward accomplishments—goals met, work done, things ticked off a list. But breastfeeding, while invisible to many, is an act of profound energy expenditure, and it’s a kind of labor that never truly stops.


On average, breastfeeding burns approximately 500 calories a day, and this can range between 300 to 700 calories depending on the frequency of nursing and the individual’s metabolism. This amount of energy is required just for milk production, not to mention the physical and emotional stamina it takes to care for a child around the clock. If we think about it, nursing burns more energy than the brain or the heart, making it one of the most energy-consuming activities in a mother’s day. Yet, it’s easy to feel like we’re doing “nothing” when we’re simply breastfeeding, resting with our babies. Society often values outward productivity, which leaves many mothers questioning their worth when all they are “doing” is nourishing their child.


But here’s the reality: when we’re breastfeeding, we’re not just sitting still. We’re giving our bodies—our time, our energy, and our very selves—so that our babies can thrive. And still, we often feel like we’re not doing enough, as if this act of care doesn’t measure up to the world’s standards of productivity. The truth is, it’s our warped perception of work, love, and dedication that makes us feel this way.


Breastfeeding isn’t a passive act. It is a complex process that demands our full attention. It’s an act of both physical and emotional labor. Our bodies produce life-sustaining milk, and while we may feel like we’re not “getting anything done,” we are literally pouring our energy into another human being. We are giving them more than just food. We are giving them comfort, security, and love, and in the process, we are also nourishing ourselves.


This is where the perception of motherhood—and particularly breastfeeding—needs to change. We must shift from seeing productivity only in terms of tasks accomplished to recognizing the quiet, invisible work that holds our families together. The act of breastfeeding is not only nurturing our children but also shaping the future. It’s a profound act of love and commitment, and that should never be underestimated.


Redefining Productivity and Self-Worth


In a world that often measures a mother’s worth by how much she accomplishes, it’s crucial that we recognize that our worth isn’t found in the number of tasks completed or external validation. The energy and time we devote to nourishing our children are valuable beyond measure. Breastfeeding may not appear as tangible as a career milestone or completing a task, but it is no less significant. In fact, it’s more important than most of the things we’re told to strive for in a typical day. The love we pour into our babies, the patience we show in each quiet moment, the care we give—these are what truly sustain us.


Embracing the Journey


As mothers, it’s essential to honor the immense effort that breastfeeding entails. By embracing this journey and recognizing the profound impact it has on both mother and child, we can redefine what it means to be productive and valuable. The act of nurturing, in its purest form, is a powerful testament to a mother’s love and commitment.


The journey of breastfeeding may be coming to a close for some, but the lessons it imparts will last a lifetime. We may feel sad as we transition away from this chapter, but the bond we’ve built will always remain, even as it shifts in form. Weaning may feel like an end, but it’s really just another step in a journey that evolves with every new phase of motherhood.


Motherhood is ours to define. It’s not about perfection or checking boxes. It’s about embracing the messy, beautiful, raw moments in between. The moments we create, the love we cultivate, and the bonds we nurture—those are the things that sustain us. We are doing more than enough, and in each quiet act of care, we are creating something far more meaningful than we realize.


And as we look ahead, I’m ready to embrace every new chapter with an open heart. Because the future of motherhood is not about doing it all, but about being present for the moments that matter most.


With love,

Danielle

❤️




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©2020 by The Breastfeeding Mentor Ltd

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