Breastfeeding is often portrayed as a beautiful, natural bonding experience between mother and baby. However, for many mothers, the reality can be far more complex and challenging. One such challenge is Breastfeeding Aversion and Agitation (BAA), a phenomenon that remains under-researched despite impacting a significant number of breastfeeding mothers. If you find yourself grappling with intense negative emotions while breastfeeding, know that you are not alone.
What is Breastfeeding Aversion and Agitation?
Breastfeeding Aversion and Agitation (BAA) is a phenomenon where you might experience particular negative feelings and intrusive thoughts when your baby is latched and suckling at the breast. These emotions can include anger, irritation, disgust, and even rage, often accompanied by physical sensations such as itching or a "skin crawling" feeling. These feelings are unexpected and almost always unwanted, as many mothers experiencing BAA would like to continue breastfeeding.
For instance, you might find yourself feeling an overwhelming urge to de-latch your baby, only to be overcome with guilt and confusion afterwards. The distressing emotions usually disappear once the baby stops breastfeeding, but the impact on your mental and emotional well-being can be significant.
My Experience
I first encountered BAA when as my son was approaching his third birthday. It caught me completely off guard, as I had previously loved nursing him on demand and felt like it was a huge privilege to be able to do so. Seemingly out of the blue I started to feel frustrated and found myself nursing him through gritted teeth. What was going on? Was I finally ready to stop nursing? I felt consumed with guilt, as my son was still very much attached to breastfeeding and I had hoped to allow him to self wean. In the end, I could not continue: I did not want my memories of breastfeeding to be dominated by negative emotions. You can read about how we stopped breastfeeding, here.
Distinguishing BAA from Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER)
It's important to differentiate BAA from another condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER). While both involve negative emotions during breastfeeding, they are distinct phenomena. D-MER is characterised by feelings of dysphoria, such as sadness or anxiety, that occur with the release of milk (your let down) and typically dissipate shortly afterwards. In contrast, BAA involves persistent feelings of anger or agitation throughout the feeding session, which only subside once the baby, toddler or child stops suckling.
Common Triggers and Experiences
BAA can be triggered by various factors, including hormonal changes, pain during breastfeeding, and physical sensations caused by your baby's behaviour, such as nipple twiddling, biting or fidgeting. You might also find that BAA is more prevalent when you're tired or during your menstrual cycle, indicating a possible link to hormonal fluctuations.
Many mothers describe feeling "touched out" or overwhelmed by constant physical contact, especially those who are tandem feeding or breastfeeding demanding toddlers. This sensation of being overwhelmed can exacerbate the negative emotions associated with BAA.
The Emotional Toll
The emotional toll of BAA can be profound. You might struggle with feelings of shame and guilt, torn between the desire to nurture your child and the intense aversion you feel during breastfeeding. This internal conflict can lead to distress and a sense of failure, as you try to reconcile your negative emotions with societal expectations of joyful breastfeeding.
Coping with BAA
While there is limited research on BAA, there are some strategies that might help you manage these difficult emotions. Cognitive distraction techniques, such as focusing on something else during breastfeeding, taking certain supplements, and seeking support from other mothers who understand what you're going through, can be beneficial. Speak to your doctor about getting your vitamin and mineral levels check to see if supplementation might be required to help you feel better. It's also crucial (though rarely easy), to prioritise self-care, ensure you are well-rested, and maintain a balanced diet to help mitigate some of the triggers for BAA. If this feels impossible, read my tried and tested, no BS approach to breastfeed long self care, here.
Seeking Support
If you're experiencing BAA, reaching out for support is essential. Online support groups can provide a sense of community and understanding, helping you realise that you are not alone in this struggle. Sharing your experiences with healthcare professionals can also provide you with additional resources and support tailored to your needs.
BAA is a real and distressing experience for many breastfeeding mothers. Acknowledging this phenomenon and understanding its triggers and impact can help foster greater compassion and support for affected mothers. By raising awareness about BAA, we can encourage more research and better support systems for breastfeeding mothers, ensuring that you do not have to navigate these challenging emotions alone.
If you're struggling with BAA, remember that it's okay to seek help and support. You deserve understanding and care as you navigate this complex aspect of motherhood. This article was inspired by the work of Zainab Yates, a pioneer of BAA research. You can read more about BAA at https://www.breastfeedingaversion.com/
With love,
Danielle
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