Breastfeeding does not have to be all or nothing. Setting breastfeeding boundaries can be a loving and gentle process, not a harsh or abrupt one.
Important Note: The following advice is recommended for children aged 12 months or above only, as before this time, breast milk (or formula) is recommended as an infant's primary source of nutrition. Please be aware that stopping nursing on demand is likely to impact your milk supply. Assuming you do not have pre-existing supply issues, your milk production will adjust to your new normal—whatever that looks like.
Recognizing When It's Time for Boundaries
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or frustrated during nursing sessions, it might be time to introduce some boundaries. Here are some signs that you might need to make changes:
- You feel resentful or irritated when nursing.
- You feel like you have no choice but to nurse.
- You snap at your child while breastfeeding.
- You feel exhausted and are considering weaning on the spot.
If any of these resonate with you, it’s important to reassess your breastfeeding journey. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you have to stop breastfeeding entirely; it’s about finding a balance that works for both you and your child.
It is important to recognise that feelings of aversion can be triggered be nutritional deficiencies. If you are passionate about continuing to breastfeed, it may be worth exploring whether or not you are lacking in any vitamins or minerals. You could do this by asking your family doctor to check your bloods or by investing in home urine tests strips like these by Vivoo. Get 20% off using code: BFMENTOR.
Types of Boundaries to Consider
1) Scheduled Nursing Sessions
One way to introduce boundaries is to nurse only at specific times of the day. For example, you might choose to nurse in the morning, before nap time, and before bed. This can help reduce the feeling of being constantly “on call” for breastfeeding. Explain the new schedule to your toddler and provide comfort and reassurance during the transition periods.
2) Time-Limited Nursing
Limiting the duration of nursing sessions can also help. Decide on a time limit that feels comfortable for you—maybe five minutes instead of fifteen. Use a timer or a countdown to make it fun and clear for your child. This helps them understand the new boundary while still feeling secure.
3) Night Weaning
Night weaning can be a significant step in introducing breastfeeding boundaries. It’s essential to communicate with your child about this change and offer comfort in other ways. Reading stories that explain night weaning or having a partner help with nighttime wake-ups can ease this transition. The 'Weaning with Love Guide' contains detailed steps to help with night weaning and stopping nursing to sleep.
4) Personal Time
Make sure to carve out some personal time each day. Having a window of time dedicated to self-care can help recharge your emotional and physical energy. Whether it’s a short walk, a hobby, or just a few moments of quiet, prioritize this time. It’s essential for your well-being and, in turn, for your ability to be present for your child. If like me, you feel that it is impossible to find time for yourself as a breastfeeding mother, one tip that helped me is going to bed at the same time as my son. Doing this meant that often, I woke up naturally before my son in the mornings, giving me at least half an hour or so for myself each day.
How to Start Setting Boundaries
Communicate Clearly
Start by talking to your child about the changes. Even at a young age, children can understand more than we might think. Use simple language and be consistent with the new rules. For example, you could say, “We’ll nurse in the morning, after lunch, and before bed.”
Stay Consistent & Connected
Consistency is key when introducing new boundaries. As far as possible, stick to the agreed times and durations, and gently remind your child if they ask to nurse outside these times. Focus on comforting and connecting with them in other ways at these times.
Having said this, I always advise nursing mothers to prioritize connection over consistency when it comes to stopping nursing on demand. If sticking to a new routine means a breakdown in communication and no alternative way to comfort your child, there is no harm in breaking away from it on any particular day. Tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity to re-establish new boundaries.
Offer Comfort and Alternatives
During times when nursing is not an option, offer extra cuddles, read a book together, or engage in a quiet activity. This helps reinforce the idea that your love and comfort are always available, even if breastfeeding isn’t.
Holding Boundaries
Stay Firm Yet Gentle
It’s natural for your child to test the new boundaries. Stay firm yet gentle in your approach. Reiterate the new rules calmly and provide reassurance. For example, if your child wants to nurse during an off-time, you might say, “I know you want to nurse now, but we will have our special nursing time before bed. Let’s read a book together instead.” I answer the questions, What if my child rejects all other comforts? and How do I let go of the guilt that I am feeling around weaning? in my 40 page guide & 60 minute accompanying webinar, 'Weaning with Love.'
Support Network
Lean on your support network. Whether it’s a partner, family member, or friend, having someone to share the load can make a big difference. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, especially during this transition period.
Connect, Connect, Connect
Replace breastfeeding sessions with other forms of connection. Spend quality time playing, talking singing, cuddling or simply being together. This strengthens your bond and helps your child feel secure and loved, even without the breast.
Final Thoughts
Introducing breastfeeding boundaries is about balancing your needs with those of your child. It’s an opportunity to model healthy boundaries and self-care. Remember, it’s okay to say no sometimes. In doing so, you are teaching your child that their feelings are important, and so are yours.
If you are ready to gradually wean your child off the breast completely, use code: BOGOF for lifetime access to my hour-long, 'Weaning with Love Workshop,' and get the accompanying Guide for free, here.
With love,
Danielle
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