“Selfish”? My Evolving Reaction to Karen Millen’s Comments on Breastfeeding a Three-Year-Old

When I first heard Karen Millen call breastfeeding a three-year-old “selfish,” on national television, I nearly choked on my tea.

If you're new here, hi, I'm Danielle Facey, author speaker & proud advocate of breastfeeding beyond infancy - and I nursed my son for 3 years and 9 months.

No really. A woman known for producing synthetic bodycon dresses with price tags that could finance a full month of organic groceries was out here judging mothers for feeding their children?

The irony was too much. I had visions of myself torching the Karen Millen pieces wardrobe in protest, only to realise it would release more toxins than her opinion. Turns out, like her take on breastfeeding, most of her garments are too synthetic to safely ignite.

I wish I could say I rose above it. But I didn’t. Not at first. My inner monologue? Less “grace and poise” and more “Of course her name’s Karen.”

Click here to read the rage-response I initially wrote.

But then something shifted.

Because beneath my fire was an ache I couldn’t ignore. A weight in my chest. Not for me, but for her. And for every mother watching that show who might have been in the middle of feeding their toddler and suddenly wondered if they were doing something wrong.

Because that’s what happens. A casual comment, a smirk, a throwaway word like how "selfish” a mother is and suddenly you’re spiralling, questioning everything you instinctively thought knew was right.

What really got to me wasn’t just the judgment. It was what Karen said about her own experience. How she breastfed all three of her children through excruciating pain. How she struggled for six or seven months. How she kept going, despite it being so clearly traumatic.

And in that moment, I realised the real scandal isn’t extended breastfeeding. The scandal is that she was left to suffer.

No one told her it didn’t have to be excruciating. No one treated her mastitis. No one helped her latch or showed her how to decompress. No one said, “This isn’t how it’s supposed to feel.”

So many mothers have lived through that kind of pain, silently. And when it goes unacknowledged, it calcifies. Becomes something hard and defensive. Sometimes it becomes judgment. Sometimes it becomes shame. Sometimes both.

I don’t share this to excuse her comments. I share it because it’s the pattern we see time and time again. Mothers unsupported in their own journeys, who go on to dismiss or degrade the experiences of others. It’s generational. It’s systemic. And it breaks my heart.

Now, let’s talk science for a moment, because I’m not just here to wax poetic about polyester dresses and grief. Karen said there’s “no benefit” to breastfeeding beyond six months. Which is categorically false.

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for two years and beyond. The American Academy of Pediatrics now supports continued breastfeeding up to age two and even past that, as long as mutually desired. Not because they’re whimsical or sentimental, but because the evidence is clear.

A 2021 study published in Nutrients found that the fat and energy content of breast milk increased significantly in the second year of lactation, with protein and key micronutrients like zinc and iron still present in meaningful quantities. (You can read it here)

Breast milk doesn’t just maintain its value. It evolves. It adapts to your child’s needs, illness, age, and environment. It’s not just food. It’s medicine. It’s comfort. It’s connection.

And by the time a child is three, they’re not breastfeeding for hours on end. It’s a few minutes here and there. A reset. A reassurance. A sacred pause in a very noisy world.

What’s really happening when we judge breastfeeding past infancy is that we’re revealing our discomfort with closeness. With nurture. With interdependence. And sometimes, with our own unresolved mothering wounds.

Karen, if by some miracle you’re reading this - I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you were let down by a broken system. I’m sorry that pain became your norm. I’m sorry that you were never held, because maybe if you had been, you’d know how powerful it is to hold a child at your breast, not with shame, but with reverence.

To every mother who felt her stomach drop when she heard that clip - you’re not wrong. You’re the opposite of selfish. And you’re not alone.

You are feeding your child in a way that is ancient, instinctive, and backed by every major health organisation in the world.

Let’s stop treating love like it has an expiry date.

We need fewer headlines, and more hands. Fewer hot takes, and more warm arms. Because no-one should have to breastfeed through agony. And no one should have to justify a bond that has nourished humanity since the beginning of time.

It’s not about breast vs bottle. It’s not about six months vs three years.

It’s about respect. Support. And creating a culture where mothers are trusted - and held -through it all.

If no one told you today: you’re doing beautifully.

And there is nothing scandalous about that.

There is a wealth of free support on this blog - just use the search bar or tap the links below for help with:

• How to increase your milk supply

• Understanding breastfeeding and your period

• Why 3 is not too old to be breastfed - it's optimal

• How to stop nursing your toddler or preschooler without breaking their heart (or yours)

For evidence-based, heart-led support in all things nursing, pumping and beyond, my Penguin debut, 'The Breastfeeding Survival Guide,' is available to pre-order, here: https://www.thebreastfeedingmentor.com/book

Subscribe for unconditional support of every stage of your nursing journey and beyond.

With love,

Danielle

❤️